John Innes (Who Is He?)

Lyrics by Dan Woods.

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

When he was alive did he have lettuce in his locks,
Cuttings in his buttonhole and mushrooms in his socks?
Did he sire a lot of children, was he quite the local stag?
They saw that he was fertile so they put him in a bag.

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

Is he like the Lindow Man, they found him in the peat?
You’re digging up a bog and then you spot a pair of feet:
Why give an archeologist a product you can sell?
A neolithic man is making flowers flower well.

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

When the man was living, was he bigger than a whale?
How are they producing it on such a massive scale?
Maybe he’s a mutant and they keep him out of view
When you cut his arm off he can grow another two.

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

Has he fully decomposed? I really want to know.
Would it make me squeamish if I found his little toe?
Pickled in the peat so does it mean he never rots?
Will I see his eyeball when I’m filling up my pots?

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

Did his wife discover he was having an affair?
She wasn’t very happy so she killed him then and there.
She hid away the body, but the odour did torment her,
So she bagged him up and sold him to the garden centre?

John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?
John Innes, John Innes
Who is he? Who is he?
John Innes, John Innes
Why is he in my compost?

Copyright 2011 Dan Woods – all rights reserved.

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