A Song To The Man On Westminster Bridge (Please Don’t Jump Mr Cameron)

Lyrics by Dan Woods.

The water is deep, the current is strong
If you jump in the Thames you will die.
Oh.
You want to die.

If you jump into the Thames it will merely cause permanent
Damage to your spinal cord.

Look, if it helps, I never liked you.
Most things you do are basically harmful.
But I don’t want to see you die.
What should you do? What can I say?

Please don’t jump, Mr Cameron
Don’t tumble to a watery grave
You mustn’t take to heart that you’ve made a rotten start
And the people cry: “We all hate Dave”
Though your party is turning against you
And the voters think that you’re a prick
You’re out of opposition and you’ve formed a coalition
So simply put the blame on Nick.

Turn around, Mr Cameron
It’s sad to see you so upset
Though it makes you feel a bitch putting taxes on the rich
They will help to clear the national debt.
There are hard times ahead but remember
What a pain it is to drown
So remember what you’re for, give the finger to the poor
And blame it all on Gordon Brown.

Take my hand, Mr Cameron
Don’t be blue that you are Tory scum
Though the carbon in the sky means the polar bears will die
You will save them with uranium
When your world falls to pieces around you
Remember you’re a millionaire.
When the soldiers die at war, just do what you did before
And blame it all on Tony Blair.

Walk this way, Mr Cameron
Go back to your home and fight
You shall live another day – but there’s something in your way:
It’s those nutters on the Tory Right.

There’s a girl and you could imitate her
In evil you could even match her:

Get your party back on side and increase the class divide
And blame it all on Margaret Thatcher.
Blame it all on Margaret Thatcher
“Smash the Unions!”
Blame it all on Margaret Thatcher
“Deregulate the banks!”
Blame it all on Margaret Thatcher
Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher, Thatcher.

Copyright 2010 Dan Woods – all rights reserved.

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